There are very few moments through my life when my heart has been plainly laid out. I’ve been encouraged by the concept of vulnerability countless times for the past week. Moving from a concept to a reality however, is one of the most difficult things as a human I can do. However, one that has come with intentionality and spontaneity over the past few days.

Why? I can only speak for myself when I say “I don’t feel ___________ enough”. In so many areas of life. You can fill in the blanks for you, and chances are they apply to me as well.

As the political situation and potential for war in Ukraine becomes more dire, more confusing daily, it has taken my mind off of life in the moment, life where I am, and off of my own heart. In a sense, I let my desire for Ukraine take from my desire to be completely present where I am. It has became the focus of most conversation, my thoughts and of course my prayers.

Thursday, I was listening to new music, and this song struck me … “Here I am anyway”

“You have given me these passions, but they come with so much fear. Sometimes it don’t make sense at all but I guess if I were brave then I wouldn’t walk by faith. If it’s weakness that you want I’ve got more than enough. But somedays I am so afraid to show this fragile love. But I’ll give you all of me and my insecurities, God, I don’t have what it takes but here I am anyway.”

These thoughts bombarding my mind… My heart beating for Ukraine just as strong as 6 months ago when I was walking down the streets of Kyiv, preparing to return to the United States, and it’s undeniable, I need to continue on the journey and let God direct my path.

This is not a neat and wrapped up blog. Frankly, I’m not even sure it makes sense, because you can’t see inside my heart. But this messy heart, that says “I’m ready to go, wherever, whenever.”