I just watched a video that 2 women i respect in Ukraine posted to facebook: The Innovation of Lonliness: (yes it is 4+ minutes, but totally worth it!)

I was with some girls last night and we wrote down 3 words to describe where we are in life, the first word i wrote was “disconnected”.  Now that I’ve shifted from one community to another, there’s the natural separation that comes though time.  You see, I have so much to catch you up on about Ukraine, and how my journey finished up in October 2013, and the wonderful life I was able to discover there.  

For some reason, this video struck me where I am.  I have told many people one of the biggest lessons I learned in Ukraine was “how to be alone” and I think that has been the most valuable life lesson I could take away from a journey.

The ability to be alone on public transit when it takes an hour to visit a friend.  To be content with spending the night at the apartment without anyone there.  The honesty that when plans change and someone bails on you, it’s okay to stay at home and not scramble to make new plans.  You see, through my life I constantly expect to have memories and friends surrounding me, but I suppose I’m realizing (in my old age) that deep consistent friendships are so much more valuable than a transient and shifting community.  That connection does not equal communion.

By being connected to so many people in so many ways I find it easy to be disconnected with the appearance of value.  For example my friend Heather (who so graciously shared her Kiev apartment with me for 3 months) is back in the states for a couple months, and during her time here in Pennsylvania she said to me “I’m not sure how many new FaceBook friends I want to pick up on this trip” Silently I thought, “but don’t you want to broadcast your life to more people, so you have more people praying for and supporting you” but now, I see such wisdom in that statement.  I have 1400+ FaceBook friends, I have met all but i believe 3.  It’s easy to spend hours on this skimming the surface of people that I desire to know…  But then i have this other FaceBook… less than 100 friends, it’s manageable and so difficult to spend endless hours on, even though the people on that page I care about deeply.  Profile pictures don’t become a like-fest to show off the “coolest Lauren in the most amazing place with the most amazing people.  no, it’s just me, my heart and their heart.

And honestly, I just want people to know me, not the persona of me: the world traveler with a camera glued to her eye, always seeking adventure and people… I want them to know my heart.  Don’t we all as humans have that longing for connection that goes deeper than a moment…

“If we’re not able to be alone, we’re only going to know how to be lonely”.  Isn’t that the story of any one who has left their home to live in a new place?  and honestly… the story of those who upon returning need to reintegrate to a culture and community they left?