Sometimes through this journey i’ve asked myself if i’m simply a tool to be used in God’s hands to empower others to do their ministry more powerfully.  Deeper than that I ask myself if I’m content if that’s the truth.  You see, my reality is the relationships I’m desiring to build aren’t happening.  Oh, yes, some standing relationships are deepening (and I’m super thankful for that!) but there’s not too much of building new relationships that will be lasting (ok, i see a handful, but I always want more, and I want to build them with folks that need hope.)  That’s the “camp life-style” isn’t it?  (It really makes me appreciative of youth camp at home with our senior high kids).  but camp isn’t real life.  BUT camp can be a spring board, and this i’ve learned over and over.  At moments I feel like the time here is simply too short to make an impact.  (Strange isn’t it!?)  There’s time I need to spend to build relationships that I desire and I almost feel like this trip, rather than being one “moderate term” trip, is many short term trips smashed together without all the international travel in-between (and wow! that cuts down the cost).  I realize that the kids at camp last week, I might be able to meet up with in the city one or maybe two times (yesterday, i ran into one at the mall) but at this point, i’m not a sustaining relationship in their lives because in a couple months i will disappear from kiev.

It’s wonderful to be semi-settled in a place, but I still feel incredibly transient.  So, this brings me back to the question, am i simply a tool since I’m not a fixture?  sometimes I think the answer to that is yes, if I can improve a ministry by being present and asking questions, by offering suggestions and interacting with people, than this is worth it.

Before I left, I memorized this scripture: “so neither he who plants, nor he who waters is anything, but God who gives the growth.”  -1cor3:7 and this has been the greatest comfort  in the times where I’ve been concerned that “i’m not doing enough” …

you see, the performance mentality follows us wherever we go.  Always wanting to do more and to serve more and to love more.  Rather than living by a check-list, i propose we start living by an attitude… Love God, Love Others, recognize that what I do is of second priority compared to what God is doing. thank God I’m just a tool…